While looking for an old e-mail, I ran across one of my favorite stories of Summer '05. Since it had only been told to a few friends, I figured I'd use this platform to share it with a (slightly) wider audience.
This is the actual e-mail I sent my friend... no edits (aside from some name-removal). Add your own capitalization, apostrophes, verb-tense agreement, unsalty language, whistles, bells, coherence, etc.
Date: Tue, 16 Aug 2005 00:37:05
To: Friend
From: Keith
Subject: neato story
so im sitting at home last night and dv im's me, asking if i wanna see the movie 'the aristocrats' (which was very funny). i told him no because i didnt have any money, but he was saying he needed to get out of his house and hed pay for me. so i went with him to huntingtons cinema arts center.
we got to the theater pretty early, so were just looking around at the people coming in. im sitting against the wall at the end of an aisle, and dv is next to me, closer to the middle. one guy we see come in has a sweater tied around his neck, aboot 50 years old, real douchy looking. him and the young girl hes with (seemed to be his daughter) attempt to take a seat a few rows back from us, so me and dv start making fun of his sweater-tie. they mustve not been satisfied with the seats, so they settle on our aisle, with the girl sitting next to dv. he takes no notice, but i stare at the girl for aboot five minuets (with dv sitting between us i had a decent vantage point for non-obvious staring). he finally sees me staring, looks at her, turns back to me and says "is that natalie portman?", to which i say "yep". she had her head shaved for a role recently, so her hair was pretty short, and she was tiny. anyway, we watched the movie, and i (of course) pretended i was on a date with her.
you know how i like to stay to the end of the credits, right? well she left right away, so me and dv sat there for a good three to five minutes watching credits, figuring wed never see her again.
we go out to dvs car to leave; the car next to us on the passenger side, a black acura, is on and ready to go. as im putting on my seatbelt, they begin pulling out and are just aboot to hit dvs car and i go "whoa!". i look up to see who the driver is... yeah, natalie portman.
she slowly and spastically finishes pulling out of the spot as we laugh at the bizarre events, thinking thats the last we see of natalie portman. some other cars go by towards the exit as dv pulls out and we leave.
fate interjects: natalie turns left, every car between us and natalie turns right, and we turn left and take our position behind her. we end up following (not on purpose, it was really the way we were going) her for aboot a mile. at this point she puts on the most hilarious display of timid and awful driving (a lot of uphill braking). dv wanted to pass her, so i had to yell at him. i didnt want him to scare her - shes too little and cute and obviously not too comfortable driving.
it ended as we came to a stoplight, the only two cars there, her going straight and us waiting to turn left. so at that red light i got my last moment of sitting next to natalie on our date. i think it went well.
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4 comments:
she looked pretty darn good for a skinhead. Since the movie was so funny..I got to personally hear natalie portman do quite a few pig snort laughs. They were cute too.
Thus ends my lifetime (one-sided) battle to best Natalie Portman at something, anything. I don't brake going uphill! In yo face Natalie.
Natalie Portman was at a movie? I thought all she wanted to do was drink and fight.
D - Thanks for acting as our chaperone. Next time may I sit next to her?
Kate - Come on, Natalie Portman's got nothing on you!
Red - Isn't that Russell Crowe?
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