On the disappearance of quality guacamole

I remember when I was a kid... guacamole was dripping from the walls and oozing from every pore. It was up my dog's nose and in my Mom's flower pots. You could take some tortilla chips outside, scrape them on the ground, and you'd have a delicious avocado-based treat.

That's no longer the case.

I'm not saying that what's now called guacamole isn't readily available - quite the contrary. The market is flooded with the new version of this more-than-a-condiment but not-quite-a-food-by-itself substance. But it is certainly not guacamole. Just today, my friend Frank sent me an article about a lawsuit (we'll call it Crazy lady with too much time on her hands and possibly some misplaced anger v. Kraft Foods) in which it was revealed that Kraft's 'guacamole' was less than 2% avocado-derived. And therein lies the problem... traditional guacamole is made from avocados and salt. Pretty simple, right? Go to any Mexican-inspired restaurant today and the guacamole you get will likely be filled with tomatoes, onions, and various other non-guacamole nonsense ingredients. Why add something to the mix when simplicity is perfection? Wouldn't it just be easier to leave it alone? It's certainly tastier that way. Perhaps avocados themselves are particularly expensive, and a cost-effective guacamole must be partially made with cheaper produce? I don't have the answer.

I do know one thing: we can't sit back as this wonderful treat (which currently exists only in my memory) is destroyed forever. We must band together and fight. I'm going to call this "The Guacamole-Reform-Through-Peaceful-Resistance-and-If-That-Doesn't-Work-Get-Violent Initiative". Come join us...



I will be away this weekend, so here's a song to keep you all occupied in my absence.